"Anybody know a good dick joke?"
It’s tough out there for a boo. Especially when you’re competing with funny guys.
The Hillster could stand to go for a few laughs, IMO.
I feel I can offer some suggestions, based on my experience performing at mostly-male open mics in rooms filled with the 18-34 set.
So here goes...
-Off the bat, comment on your choice of outfit. Own it. (“Think I look like a nun who forgot her habit or a priest with mom-hair?)
-Everyone likes nostalgia. Make it your own. (“Remember when Monica Lewinsky was my biggest problem? Hashtag Throwback Thursday!!”)
-Make a crack about your husband calling you a GILF.
-If you’re the only woman in the room, tell at least one dick joke.
-If you tell a dick joke, make it twice as funny as the guys’ dick jokes.
-If you tell a funny dick joke, don’t switch the topic afterward to something un-dick related (like healthcare). Just end your set there and get off stage.
-The Ted Cruz/Tom Cruise bit is played out.
-If you must wear pearls, use your thumb, or mention God, do so ironically.
-Jokes about balls are always funny.
-Jokes about balls are low-hanging fruit. (Tweetable!)
-Don’t talk about your vagina unless it’s in a self-deprecating manner (giant labia, mis-shaven pubes, etc.)
-Do not, under any circumstances, talk about your period, pregnancy, menopause (ew), IUDs, or saddlebags.
-Actually, don’t show cleavage.
-Ok, show a little cleavage, but only by accident.
-Don’t talk about your kids!
Got more yuck-em-ups or comedy tips for the wannabe first Madame Prez? Any Trump gags to throw in? I bet you do. Please be a good citizen and share in the comments below!
Come join the discussion already started on Facebook.