Hi! I wrote an article for this cool site, Tailormag. It's about staying present without meditating. Check it out!
I’m raising a boy AND a girl.
There's so much good stuff coming out of the #metoo and #timesup movement. I feel inspired for myself, my fellow females, and my daughter.
I'm also seeing lots of division between genders. I see people looking to blame and punish. I get it, people are angry. I'm angry, for all the women who've been mistreated, for all the opportunities missed because of fear or refusing to playing the game.
Anger can be powerful. Not as powerful as love, IMO.
I want my boy to learn to treat women well because they're human beings who deserve respect. Not because he's worried about the consequences if he doesn't.
I want my girl to love men and see them as fellow human beings, not big scary penis monsters.
I want my daughter to feel empowered.
I want my son to be respectful.
I want both for both of them.
I want my son to accept himself as he is. I don’t want him to feel ashamed of his instincts.
I want the same for my daughter.
I want them to see all people as equals, deserving of love and respect.
I want them to love themselves.
I want them to love what they do and do what they love and love who they love. (And I hope whoever they love loves them back).
I don’t want my son to be scared of having a boner.
I don’t want my daughter to be scared of boys’ boners.
I don’t want my kids to be afraid to talk about anything because they worry they’ll look stupid or offend someone.
I want my kids to feel things, and be honest about how they feel.
I want my kids to appreciate human interaction.
Do you have kids in your life? What do you want for them?
Had a fantastic CUFirstTuesday show last night at our new home, HOME restaurant and bar in Silverlake. I love doing this show. I'm not gonna lie, it's a lot of work and there are times I'm like "why am I doing all this?"
Cuz I say this to myself all the time. Inevitably a child is having a tantrum (aka "meltdown" in Silverlakespeak) just as I'm walking out the door to go perform and I feel like I'm constantly making a choice between momming and comedy-ing.
But once I get to the show, it feels worth it. I see friends who come, introduce them to other friends, meet new people, make them laugh (ideally), hang with other comedians who make ME laugh (inevitably), collaborate with other funny peeps... I love it.
Even going to open mics is worthwhile. I remind myself I'm always learning from them, even if I bomb or there are angry comics who can't quite articulate why they're so angry (probably cuz of Trump, so who can blame them?).
And I get to escape a tantrum-meltdown for the night. If I can be ok with that, so can my kids. (And my supportive husband, who doesn't complain about watching the kids as long as I make sure to do a joke about his big dick).
And yes, the next morning I feed my kids toaster waffles, which they love so stop judging!
That's me talking to myself.
I realized I judge myself not so much for the toaster waffles -- they're delicious -- but because I see it as "taking the easy way out" cuz there's nothing to clean up and I know the kids will be nice to me. That should be how I determine every decision. So what if it's easy?
Less mess/kind kiddos. That should be the waffles' tag line. Hey, Trader Joe's Toaster Waffles: I just wrote you an unsolicited ad. You're welcome.
And sometimes my kids will tell a joke or make a drawing like my daughter's in her journal stating: "My Mom Does Comedy" and I feel super proud.
Every mom I know judges herself for not being something enough -- not crafty enough, not on time enough, not kale-cooking enough, not organic-bubble-bathing-enough, not placenta-preserving enough (There are people who do this! Google it)...not trying to earn a living off her blog enough... Not telling the "not enough" voice to STFU enough...
Every comedian I know judges him/herself for some joke that doesn't land or makes the audience uncomfortable because they sounded like they were making fun of homeless people but it was really satire/making fun of people with homes don't you get it?! (For instance.)
Can we stop judging ourselves? Or, as I learned in my Spiritual Psychology Masters program (true story) can we start forgiving ourselves for judging ourselves? (I'll explain another time)
Point is, I could not do this if I stayed in my old perfectionist judge judy mode.
The other day my son made this realization about me: "hey, mom, you make a fool of yourself for a living!" I was like, "Well, then I guess I'm living the dream."
This blog post is not perfect. But I gotta go and not work on my next show enough and not be happy about picking up my kids enough from school .
Feel free to share any comments in the comments!
P.S. The next CUFirst Tuesday is December 5th! Save the date!
Marian Belgray's an L.A.-based standup comic and writer/producer who's contributed to HBO, Cinemax, Nickmom, Comedy Central, Pampers, Funny or Die, and Parents.com, with articles and comedy videos.