<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />&#8203; &nbsp; Two C-sections and a microphone<br /><br /><br />&#8203;
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COMEDY TIPS FOR HRC

2/11/2016

 

"Anybody know a good dick joke?"

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What’s Hillary’s problem? Why don’t the young people like her?
It’s tough out there for a boo.  Especially when you’re competing with funny guys.
The Hillster could stand to go for a few laughs, IMO.  
I feel I can offer some suggestions, based on my experience performing at mostly-male open mics in rooms filled with the 18-34 set.

So here goes...


-Off the bat, comment on your choice of outfit.  Own it.  (“Think I look like a nun who forgot her habit or a priest with mom-hair?)

-Everyone likes nostalgia.  Make it your own. (“Remember when Monica Lewinsky was my biggest problem? Hashtag Throwback Thursday!!”)

-Make a crack about your husband calling you a GILF.
-Sound smart, but not so smart that people have to think too much to understand your material.

-If you’re the only woman in the room, tell at least one dick joke.  

-If you tell a dick joke, make it twice as funny as the guys’ dick jokes.

-If you tell a funny dick joke, don’t switch the topic afterward to something un-dick related (like healthcare).  Just end your set there and get off stage.

-The Ted Cruz/Tom Cruise bit is played out.

-If you must wear pearls, use your thumb, or mention God, do so ironically.

-Jokes about balls are always funny.

-Jokes about balls are low-hanging fruit.  (Tweetable!)

-Don’t talk about your vagina unless it’s in a self-deprecating manner (giant labia, mis-shaven pubes, etc.)

-Do not, under any circumstances, talk about your period, pregnancy, menopause (ew), IUDs, or saddlebags.

-Show cleavage.

-Actually, don’t show cleavage.

-Ok, show a little cleavage, but only by accident.

-Don’t talk about your kids!

Got more yuck-em-ups or comedy tips for the wannabe first Madame Prez? Any Trump gags to throw in? I bet you do.  Please be a good citizen and share in the comments below!
OR
Come join the discussion already started on Facebook.
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    Marian Belgray's an L.A.-based standup comic and writer/producer who's contributed to HBO, Cinemax, Nickmom, Comedy Central, Pampers, Funny or Die, and ​Parents.com, with articles and comedy videos.
    Marian’s performed at clubs around Los Angeles, including The Comedy Store, The Improv, IOWest, UCB, The Virgil, and Akbar.  She's the creator and host of various live comedy shows including "Group Hug," CUFirstTuesday, and annual parents' comedy fundraisers for her kids' school, Citizens of the World.  Marian's a certified writer for Comedywire, and is studying to get her license as a psychotherapist.
    She posts about her thoughts and biznatch here and on social media. 
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