Cuz I say this to myself all the time. Inevitably a child is having a tantrum (aka "meltdown" in Silverlakespeak) just as I'm walking out the door to go perform and I feel like I'm constantly making a choice between momming and comedy-ing.
But once I get to the show, it feels worth it. I see friends who come, introduce them to other friends, meet new people, make them laugh (ideally), hang with other comedians who make ME laugh (inevitably), collaborate with other funny peeps... I love it.
Even going to open mics is worthwhile. I remind myself I'm always learning from them, even if I bomb or there are angry comics who can't quite articulate why they're so angry (probably cuz of Trump, so who can blame them?).
And I get to escape a tantrum-meltdown for the night. If I can be ok with that, so can my kids. (And my supportive husband, who doesn't complain about watching the kids as long as I make sure to do a joke about his big dick).
And yes, the next morning I feed my kids toaster waffles, which they love so stop judging!
That's me talking to myself.
I realized I judge myself not so much for the toaster waffles -- they're delicious -- but because I see it as "taking the easy way out" cuz there's nothing to clean up and I know the kids will be nice to me. That should be how I determine every decision. So what if it's easy?
Less mess/kind kiddos. That should be the waffles' tag line. Hey, Trader Joe's Toaster Waffles: I just wrote you an unsolicited ad. You're welcome.
And sometimes my kids will tell a joke or make a drawing like my daughter's in her journal stating: "My Mom Does Comedy" and I feel super proud.
Every mom I know judges herself for not being something enough -- not crafty enough, not on time enough, not kale-cooking enough, not organic-bubble-bathing-enough, not placenta-preserving enough (There are people who do this! Google it)...not trying to earn a living off her blog enough... Not telling the "not enough" voice to STFU enough...
Every comedian I know judges him/herself for some joke that doesn't land or makes the audience uncomfortable because they sounded like they were making fun of homeless people but it was really satire/making fun of people with homes don't you get it?! (For instance.)
Can we stop judging ourselves? Or, as I learned in my Spiritual Psychology Masters program (true story) can we start forgiving ourselves for judging ourselves? (I'll explain another time)
Point is, I could not do this if I stayed in my old perfectionist judge judy mode.
The other day my son made this realization about me: "hey, mom, you make a fool of yourself for a living!" I was like, "Well, then I guess I'm living the dream."
This blog post is not perfect. But I gotta go and not work on my next show enough and not be happy about picking up my kids enough from school .
Feel free to share any comments in the comments!
P.S. The next CUFirst Tuesday is December 5th! Save the date!