Perfectionism begone. I’m here to do.
For my first blog post, I’d like to discuss the terms I’ve used to describe myself: ACTOR, COMEDIENNE, NEW MOMMY. In an industry where everyone tells you to know your “type,” I have agonized over putting myself into categories. But here’s why I chose these few…
Why actor and not an actress:
To some, an actress is just a female actor. To me, it is a specific type of female actor. One who cries a lot. Maybe she’s crying for the male lead. Perhaps he’s going through inner turmoil and she can’t bear to see him in pain. He’s working out his shit and she’s along for the ride. She’s a supportive, tearful actress.
Another thing about actresses: People assume that a woman who calls herself an “actress” thinks she’s pretty hot stuff. It’s okay to be hot. You just aren’t supposed to think you’re hot. Or, you can think you’re hot, but not hotter than you really are.
I like to think I’m hotter than I think I am.
Ok, what about “thespian”? Well, come on now. Aside from the obvious rhyming issue, let’s look at what kind of acting we’re talking about. There’s no place for thespians in L.A. Thespians do Shakespeare In The Park, not Web comedy and TV commercials. When’s the last time an ad exec said, “OK, team. We need to find a really good thespian for this Mercury Insurance spot”?
So why comedienne and not comedian:
Comediennes don’t cry or think they’re hot. They’re just female counterparts . Like dudess is a female dude, or douchebaguette is a female douchebag. Well, actually, a douchebaguette is really a woman who loves douchebags, not necessarily a douchebag herself. I don’t know if there is such a thing as a female douchebag.
And what about new mommy as opposed to new mom:
Frankly, “mommy” sounds younger than “mom.” A “mom” wears pearls and her hair in a bob. A “mommy” can wear whatever she wants (though it probably has spit-up on it).
At the time of this blog post, my son Samson is 8 months old. He’s adorable, the light of my life, and extremely time-consuming. Every day is a challenge, learning how to raise a child and balance mommyhood with career pursuits. I look at my son, and my thoughts vacillate between “OMG what a miracle” and “OMG what did I get myself into?” I’m lucky to have a fantastic husband sharing parenting duties, but hubby also has big career goals.
Are you offended by my characterization of actresses? Do you know any female douchebags? Leave me a comment and we can discuss…
21:54 on July 26th, 2010
Glad to be of service to your man-box, Mr. Rob. Or should I say Ms. Rob?
I’ve never heard DILDO used for females. Wouldn’t it be DILDA? Or DILDETTE? In any case, maybe we should bring DILDO back. DOUCHEBAG is as overused as an old douchebag. Ewww.
10:17 on July 27th, 2010
Yay! Congrats on your first (and excellent and funny) blog post. Big sister (and big blogger) so proud. I thought that a douchebaguette was a long bread roll you spread with douche and eat for petit dejeuner. Oh, maybe that’s what your drawing is. You’re a step ahead of me. Apparently, a douchebaguette loves her some Kevin Connolly.
I like to call female douchebags Dilda Radner.
Dildo does need to be revived. I think it’s more insulting than douchebag. It looks so dumb on the shelf. Not that I go into dildo stores.
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15:19 on July 27th, 2010
Thanks, big-bloggin-sis! High praise from a seasoned blogger like yo’self. Yes, the drawing is supposed to be a long french bread in love. I neglected to illustrate the douche spread, though. But wait — If you’re eating it for petit dejeuner, would “douche” just mean “shower”?
I love Dilda Radner. That’s dickin’ it old skool.
17:43 on July 27th, 2010
Well, yes – but “vagina shower.”
5:43 on July 28th, 2010